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ilovetictacs37
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read my profile
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Name: Matt
Location: Wausau, Wisconsin, United States
Birthday: 10/31/1988
Gender: Male
Interests: skateboarding, watching every 2 for $1 movie at Family Video, golfing (kinda) mostly minature golfing, soccer, anti-politics, anti-abortion, watching cheesy horror movies, watching cheesy kung-fu movies (NINJA PHANTOM HEROES!!) finding ways to have fun that doesnt involve drugs or alcohol
music: The Mars Volta, At the Drive In, Bad Religion, Alien Ant Farm, descendents, some contry, black sabbath, the casualties, guttermouth, lars fredrickson and the bastards, pennywise, pink floyd, steppenwolf, reel big fish, Big D and the Kids Table, the Offspring, billy idol, Bedouin Soundclash, the white stripes, THE DUNDERCHIFES!!!!, red hot chili peppers, the distillers, hootie and the blowfish, the pixies, mustard plug, dropkick murphies, led zepplin, NOFX, the gorillaz, "weird al" yankovic, green day, incubus, elton john, the doors, skindred, husker du, nirvana, TSOL, madcap, oatis coats, the offspring, quarshi, rage against the machine, the eagles, eric clapton, gwar and not fucking emo!
Expertise: band manager for the Dunderchiefs....soccer i guess.....kinda.....and.....sitting....im really good at sitting
Occupation: Student
Industry: Medical
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  exparrot37
AIM:  tacopie37
Member Since:
4/26/2005
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| Well, let's update this piece of shit...
basically, all I have to tell you fuckers is that Friday was the start of a legacy....that legacy being
The
Jolly Rodgers.
Songs and such shall be comming out eventually. You all suck and
The
Jolly Rodgers
are better then anything ever.
Now piss off.
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| Things that make me happy when things aren't going my way:
-Sara
-Chicken Noodle Soup
-Mitch Hedberg
So, here's some Mitch Hedberg in case someone else out there is having a not very good day:
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
I wrote a letter to my dad - I wrote, "I really enjoy being
here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still
wanted to use it so i crossed it out and wrote, "I rarely drive
steamboats, dad - there's a lot of shit you don't know about me. Quit
trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator." This letter took a harsh
turn right away...
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up
to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire
exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're
flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I like cinnimon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan.
That's why I wish they would sell cinnimon roll incense. After all I'd
rather light a stick and have my roommate wake up with false hopes.
An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would
never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just
"Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking
down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptible...
I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got
sick of not caring.
My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest
infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a
bunch of koala bears scatter, but I don't want them too. I'm like,
"Hey... Hold on fellows... Let me hold one of you, and feed you a
leaf." Koala bears are so cute, why do they have to be so far away
from me. We need to ship a few over, so I can hold one, and pat it on its
head.
On a traffic light yellow means yield, and green means go. On a
banana, it's just the opposite, yellow means go ahead, green means stop,
and red means, where'd you get that banana?
I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. There's a large
out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside.
I wrote my friend a letter with a highlighting pen, but he could not
read it, he thought I was trying to show him certain parts of a piece of
paper.
I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to
the devil, and the devil is dill...
I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shishkabobs.
You know that Pepperidge
Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it,
and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another
step between me and toast.
Mitch Hedberg......what a guy
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| im pissed off so ill post some angry things i found on www.maddox.xmission.com
Believe what you want to and shut
the hell up about it. The whole anti-religion, anti-atheism, anti-whatever
theme is tired; GET A NEW CAUSE. If you want a good old fashioned pointless
debate about religion, look for it somewhere else. I'm sure you'll find many
self-proclaimed "enlightened" 14 year olds who have it all figured out
and are more than happy to tell you their bullshit philosophy about religion
and why your beliefs are wrong.
all i have to say about that is Maddox hit
it right on the head. believe in waht u want and leave other ppl alone.
Just because ur opinion is different from someone elses doesnt mean ur
right and that u should make it ur duty to change their mind. im not
directing this at anyone/group specifically, im just tired of hearing it
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| yes, its cold outside and yes, i have gas right now...u know what i say?
ha, wat a good website...and hams good too
The only thing worse than U2 is a snobby U2 fan.
and im gonna steal one more thing from that website....cuz it rocks....
How to kill yourself like a man.
I was applying for a job to become a suicide prevention counselor
the other day, when the guy interviewing me started bitching
about how boring his job had become. The only people
he ever hears from anymore are 14 year old girls who try to
overdose on Tylenol. YAWN. How about killing
yourself with some style? How about killing yourself like a man?
Here are some manly ways to shove off this mortal coil, along with
ratings for each category from 1 to 10:
Eat a tub full of beans:
| Manliness: 8 |
Style: 4 |
Awesomeness: 8 |
Mess: 5 |
What you need: a tub, enough beans to fill said tub.
How to do it: just dig in, you chunky son of a bitch! Keep eating until you
can't possibly eat anymore, then eat some more. Your gut will
rupture and you will shit yourself. The cool thing about this method is that
it's not only disgusting to clean up, but you'll probably be so bloated from
the beans (choose Van Camp's by the way, not Bush's baked beans unless you
like the taste of beans pickled in ball sweat) that you probably won't fit in
the casket
without some serious reconstructive surgery. Guess who's footing the bill
for that one? That's right: friends and family. Just kidding. You have
no friends.
Strangle yourself:
| Manliness: 9 |
Style: 4 |
Awesomeness: 4 |
Mess: 0 |
What you need: hands.
How to do it: strangling yourself with your own hands has long been
thought impossible because when your body stops getting enough
oxygen, you pass out and start breathing normally again. Passing out while
you try to kill yourself is like failing at failing.
You're the one who has
to deal with the embarrassment of having the paramedics finding your
dumb ass passed out on the floor in a puddle of your own drool, as they
begrudgingly take you to the hospital where the doctors would
be so disappointed that one of them might try to strangle you themselves.
And if they don't, give me a call; I will.
Even the late Vincent Price strangled
himself to death. Either that or lung cancer, but I can't be bothered to
look it up. Eat shit.
Hold your breath:
| Manliness: 9 |
Style: 3 |
Awesomeness: 8 |
Mess: 0 |
What you need: balls.
How to do it: this is similar to strangling yourself, but
the difficulty level is hard. Harder than a priest at a playground.
Step 1: Hold your breath.
Step 2: Wait 10 minutes, then go to step 3.
Step 3: If you are reading this, you have failed.
Razor blade:
| Manliness: 5 |
Style: 2 |
Awesomeness: 8 |
Mess: 7 |
What you need: razor, neck.
How to do it: how many times have you tried to kill yourself with
a razor blade by slashing up your wrists, only to be told "it's down the
highway, not across the street"? Then you listen to this advice and
cut up your arms like some
amateur dipshit who doesn't know what she's doing. Your boyfriend dumped
you. You can't go on because you're the only person who has ever been
dumped and this is the most painful thing that has happened to anyone
who has lived 14 consecutive years, so it's time for
the solace only decapitation can bring you. Make sure to go all the
way through the spinal column.
Cadbury surprise:
| Manliness: 9 |
Style: 8 |
Awesomeness: 12 |
Mess: 8 |
What you need: ice cream scooper, cadbury eggs.
How to do it: spoon out your eyes with the ice cream scooper,
and replace them with cadbury
easter eggs. Then using any of the methods above, kill yourself.
Your family may hate the suicide, but
everyone loves cadbury cream eggs! Why disappoint your loved ones with
plain old boring eyes, when you can surprise them with chocolate instead?!
Try to do it around easter. The kids will have hours of fun trying to find the
last two treats.
Headbutt the sidewalk:
| Manliness: 10 |
Style: 3 |
Awesomeness: 10 |
Mess: 4 |
What you need: a sidewalk.
How to do it:
Step 1: Slam your head into the sidewalk.
Step 2: Repeat.
Headbutting is probably the manliest thing ever. Not only is it useful for
suicide, it's also a great way to break up with your girlfriend. For
example, I couldn't find the words to tell my ex that our relationship
was over, so one day while we were watching TV I headbutt her in the tits.
Then I picked up my jacket
and left. No awkward goodbyes, no "still friends" bullshit. Just a couple of
bruised titties and a failed relationship. I rule.
Lick a hooker's ass:
| Manliness: 0 |
Style: 1 |
Awesomeness: 1 |
Mess: 10 |
What you need: a hooker, $0.75.
How to do it: find a hooker and inquire about her "ass
buffet." If she doesn't know what you're talking about, punch her. If
she does know what you're talking about, she shouldn't charge you more than 75
cents to lick her ass. You may even get away with not having to pay her
since technically it's not sex (unless you're gay, but I'm not sure if it
counts if it's a woman). Fair warning: not paying a hooker is considered
shoplifting. Once you've done the (mis)deed, you may want to have some
alcohol nearby. Make sure it's something strong like turpentine, because
you'll be tasting a mouth full of funk and hookers don't always shit
properly depending on their clientele.
The tingling feeling in your mouth means the disease is working.
Just sit back and relax while your penis falls off and you break out in
hives. Then just wait a
few months and if the other diseases don't get to you first, the AIDS will.
Talk about a cheap suicide! At 75 cents, you can't afford not to kill
yourself!
That's it for now. Just remember: it's your suicide, have fun with it.
© http://www.maddox.xmission.com 2004 by Maddox
so wat if im not creative enough the think up funny stuff like this on my own? deal with it!
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